hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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