I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
