i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
