Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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