i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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