i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
