I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
