I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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