i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
