Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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