i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize