My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You took a bar mat shot.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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