there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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