i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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