i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
