he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
