; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
