hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Randomize
