Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
