I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize