i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
