just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
