I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
