I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Princesses don't give blow jobs
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
