do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
