after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
