Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
