you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Less talking, more tequila
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
