they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
