doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
