The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
