I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
