guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I will be naked everywhere
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize