i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
This is the high leading the old right now
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
