Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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