ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
