dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
