I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
