i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
