I cannot find my penis.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Everything about him screamed your future.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
