just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
