Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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