If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
