It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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