she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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