Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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