Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
