Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
