I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
