I hate your face
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
ttyl tear gas
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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