I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
