and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
