The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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