Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
