We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
