You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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