We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
