i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
