She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
