I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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