Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
