your parents love me but you hate me
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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