its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
